" /> only sleeping: January 2004 Archives

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January 28, 2004

Endore.com bullshit

deadbutdreaming.org is down until i can find a new host- which, hopefully, will be sometime next week.

Endore has...well, I'm not sure what the hell is going on, really. All I can tell you is, endore's servers are going down one by one, like a string of dominos...tech support is not answering e-mail, they've taken down all contact info (phone numbers, fax numbers, etc)...and hell, today, the Endore website itself is just *gone*.

morphiadream.com and deadbutdreaming.org crapped out sometime yesterday. blackglass.org is still up, but for how much longer is anyone's guess.

To say that I'm pissed off would be a massive understatement. I paid for a year of hosting, and it's been...what, just now three months. I can't really *afford* to go host hunting right now, but this new domain was my little pet project, and I'll be damned if I just sit back and let it die because Endore are merrily ripping everyone off.

I have *no* useable e-mail addresses at the moment. I'm ready to start beating people with their own bodyparts.

If you're interested in reading more, here you go.

January 20, 2004

zzzZZZzzz

Listening to: Final Fantasy VIII OST

I am *so* incredibly tired today. Didn't get much sleep last night, because I was too wound up from earlier. If I didn't know better, I would swear the planets were out of alignment or something, because everyone seemed unhinged. Little things that should *not* have bothering people, were driving them to distraction.

The highlights included (but weren't limited to): Damian trying to convince me that we needed to run away to someplace warm, where we could hide out from all of the crazies. Raz's idea to form an exclusive "snob" club, with our very own treehouse that would always be stocked with coffee and brownies, and bouncing would be encouraged. And of course, spending far too much time searching for pictures of "crazy people", with Belle. We are still not too sure what a crazy person looks like, but we'll know when we see it.

The City might be full of godmoders and posers, but I'm very happy I got to know these folks. We can all sit back together, and talk about how everyone else sucks. ;-) Yup, it's good to be simple.

In other news, I am a sap, and The Guy rocks my lame ass. That is all.

In other *other* news, I have seen Return of the King five times. Yes, that's right- five times. And I'm thinking I need to see it again, just because. And maybe again.

'Kay, I think it's time for me to wander off in search of mucho caffiene, since it's starting to inch into afternoon, and I really *should* be awake by now.

January 18, 2004

Wankers

Listening to: FF VII OST
Drinking: Lots of coffee
Trying to: Wake up.

This is undoubtedly going to dengenerate into a rant, and for that, I'm just going to apologize right up front. But before we get into the fun, I'm in a *good* mood today. (even though I feel like I have a hangover) I'm downloading anime, and just generally *happy*...which is a nice change from how I've been feeling these last few days. Heh.

So, on with the show, 'eh?

It's no secret that I roleplay in my free time. Usually when I play, it ends up being in The City, at SOI. The City is a modern, urban RP- ie, a modern city setting, with no elements of fantasy, magic, or supernatural stuff. Originally, it was an offshoot of The Block. (same idea, only it was "the bad side of town")

Now, let me just wax poetic about The Block, very briefly. I've been involved in loads of RP's over the years. I've been involved in loads of RP's at SOI over the years. The one thing that's been pretty constant? The other players have been snobs. If you haven't played there for as long as the site has been open, and if they haven't known you OOC for almost that long, then they tend to ignore you. Now, for me, it never really mattered all that much, because even in RP, I'm antisocial, and only tend to play with the same core group of people. But at a friend's urging, off I went to The Block, after hearing lots of stories about how violent and dangerous it was. The whole set up was mostly non-consensual, meaning if you had the guts to post on the street, then you had to watch your back. Drive by's happened, frequently. Muggings happened. Robberies happened. And there was always a murder or two going on, in the alleys.

Sure enough, the first night I showed up on the block, not ten seconds after I posted an entrance onto the street, and my character ducked into a nearby chinese restaurant, there was all kinds of gunplay going on behind me, on the street. It was exhilerating, never knowing what to expect. When I'd be waiting for friends to show up and play, I'd frequently spend my time posting from my characters apartment window, just watching the violence down below ;-) And you know what? The people were incredibly cool. Well, most of them, anyway. There was a rather large group of people who worked pretty hard to draw all of us newbies into some pretty cool storylines. And of course, we went willingly, because it was exciting! Yes, we all nearly died numerous times, but that's ok!

The Block grew, and expanded it's areas of play. There was Uptown, for the rich and powerful. There was the docks, which was a higher crime area than One Mean Street, itself...and even more non-con. There was 9th Avenue, which was a little higher class than One Mean Street, but not nearly as posh as Uptown. Basically, there was an arena of play for just about everyone, and life was good.

Fast forward a few months. The core rooms of One Mean Street came under new ownership, and the new owners decided to "divorce" them from all of the expansions, like Uptown and the Docks. Once it was made clear that diversity was not welcome and only one style of play would be tolerated, there was a mass exodus from The Block, and a new RP was formed: The City. All the areas that had originally been there before were put back, with some improvements and expansions. If you liked life on The Block, there was now the redlight district. The Docks were back, along with Uptown. 9th Avenue had expanded into a bigger middle class area. In short, it was what The Block should have stayed- a place for everyone to play, and enjoy themselves.

Of course, my friends and I migrated back to this new area. We wanted our dumpy industrial club back on the docks, where it belonged. We wanted to take part in more outrageous, adrenelin pumping storylines. So it was written, so it was done...and everyone was happy.

Until, that is, two things happened. One being that a few people in the City made themselves too important (the Big Bosses of All Things), and the second being the influx of godmoders from other realms.

Anybody who thinks godmoders only exist in a fantasy setting obviously haven't stepped foot in the City. All of a sudden, we're surrounded by characters who name themselves the most powerful beings in existence- the wealthiest, the most powerful, the most influential...and we're supposed to go along with it, just because they say so. You cannot play with these people, because they ignore any and all play that might challenge them. They ignore people who have been around since day one, and who've made themselves influential and powerful by actually *gasp* playing it out, instead of just saying so.

It's quite convenient, because they make up news stations and reporters to cover all of their stories, and make sure they're noticed at every turn.

I *really* don't like players who take that approach. Most of the other players that I happen to respect feel the same way. So, all of a sudden, as the City tries to encourage everyone to play the way they want to play, what you end up with is an RP full of individuals constantly butting heads and screaming at each other to be noticed.

Luckily, my bunch is really good at ignoring, and doing our own thing. Besides, we're all the coolest, anyway. *snorks* At least, that's the general consensus between *us*, and what else matters?

And yesterday, the issue of "scripting SL's" came up. Someone got bashed by an anon who claimed that scripting was the reason they left RP in the first place.

First of all, I think most of us script, a little bit. We usually have a vague idea of the SL that we want to play out...at the very least, we have a beginning, middle, and end goal. How we get there, however, is up to everyone who plays along. You *cannot* plan out every little detail of a storyline. It's impossible, and if you try, you're just going to be disappointed, because other characters have a way of doing their own thing no matter *what* you want them to do.

This does not make us bad people.

Playing without scripting, in the City, is pointless. If you try to play that way, absolutely nothing would ever happen. On the block, you never knew if your character walked out the front door, if they would be coming home again. But in the City, everyone is too busy being rich and powerful to even consider playing with a character that isn't *known* to them. I've spent too much time wandering into bars and having random, meaningless conversation with the other players who hang out there...it's not my idea of fun.

So, to sum up? Godmoders are teh suck, and there isn't anything wrong with planning out a storyline.

Know what? I think all this babbling woke me up. ;-)

January 16, 2004

Hehe

Weeeeeeee! Mindless distractions rule!

Hand Puppet Movie Theater Presents: Return of the King.

It's friday?

Listening to: Cold- Static X
Drinking: Boiling hot coffee, to keep from freezing to death

I have the furnace cranked higher than I've had it all winter. I'm wearing more *clothes* than I have, all winter. I've got candles lit to cut down on the drafts, and yet...I'm *still* freezing. We're talking *teeth chattering* cold, man. The best part? There's a winter storm coming. Yay!! (not!)

So. I really hate winter. I don't think I've mentioned that yet.

I am *not* writing at the moment, but that will change by the end of the evening. Right now, I'm talking to Belle on ICQ, trying to get warm, and trying to get inside Judah's head.

Ever create a character that turns out to be a total wildcard? You know how you want them to act/react in certain situations, but they're always the ones who throw you a curveball, when you least expect it. People think I'm kidding when I say my characters take on lives of their own...but dammit, I'm not. *laughs*

Judah is proving to be my wildcard in this story. I know exactly how he's *supposed* to think and feel, but he's very closed off, very sneaky. I just don't trust the guy right now, and I'm *supposed* to be able to! Argh. But hey, it's fun, right? And I can content myself with the fact that Minks has proven to be a very easy character to get to know. He was supposed to be sort of a background/scenery type of guy, but gee- he's got a mind of his own, and he's been whispering his back story into my ear for the past two days.

Blah, blah, blah.

Sorry I'm babbling so much about this story, but I can't tell you how much I've been *enjoying* it. Even with all of the insanity, writing makes everything feel right with the world again.

And you know? I don't think inspiration has anything to do with it. If you want to write, then *write*. Don't bitch and moan about how you're just not inspired any more. I think that was a mental block that I created for myself, that proved nearly impossible to get past. If you just let yourself get started, the inspiration *will* come.

And if you're anything like me, once that inspiration starts trickling in...you'll have a flood on your hands, in a few days.

All of a sudden, I'm even considering getting involved in different fandoms again. I'm getting ideas for almost everything I've seen or read lately, which is...different, to say the least.

But first, I concentrate on The Story. If there's anything left in my brain by the time I finish it, then we'll see about some fandom dabbling.

*reads back* Yeah, I'm boring.

January 15, 2004

Listening to: Judith- A Perfect Circle
Drinking: Coffee, black
Eating: Miniature Twix bars
Current word count: 13,623 (24 pages)

Still plugging along on the story. Every day, whether or not I'm in the mood, I write a little bit. At this point, I can honestly say that I don't care if it's the worst thing I've ever written in my life (and it just might be)- I'm still doing it, because the story is in my head, and I'm not going to rest until it's told.

The first 10,000 words flew. The rest is coming much slower, but hey- it's still coming, right? Every word isn't perfect. Every phrase isn't prose so purple that it might be dead. At the moment, I'm ok with that, because I know I'll be going back and tweaking the little details until I'm happy with it. I'm such a perfectionist that it's really hard to close Word when there are a few paragraphs that I'm not happy with. I'm *so* used to sitting and staring at the screen until my eyes go all unfocused, wracking my brain until I think of *the* perfect phrase...but there's just so much story to tell this time that I *can't* waste time trying to make everything perfect, the first go 'round. If I tried, I think I'd lose the thread of the story, and *then* where would I be.

Probably back at square one, bitching about that evil, vile, manipulative bitch that I *like* to call my muse. Heh.

Please also note that none of the story has been posted here, or on any of my websites. That has to be a first. Actually, I'm not sure if I'm ever going to post it in public, because the story itself has almost no *good* qualities. It's violent, bloody, and full of all kinds of social taboos. I think my brain is rebelling against being told, over and over again, "you can't write this, it's too over the top".

I embrace over the top, and scoff at your petty morals. Ha!

So, yeah. It's going quite well, and I'm feeling somewhat productive, which is always a good thing.

I do wish I had a beta reader, though. Someone who is *not* a friend, who would not be afraid to tell me that a particular idea sucked eggs. I'm hell to work with, though, because I tend not to take advice. *laughs* If I really believe something feels right, or sounds right, and it works for *me*...I'll fight with you about it until I'm blue in the face.

I've lost more beta readers that way...

Anyway, I have nothing important to say right now, so I'm guessing it's time for me to shut up. ;-)

January 14, 2004

Randomness, part 1

Listening to: Escape on the Pig- Keven Manthei
Drinking: 3rd cup of chai
Eating: Hershys kisses with almonds

Lots of weird shit happening lately. Strange and unusual occurance number one? My coffee addiction seems to be waning, in favor of *gasp* chai. Since December, I've been drinking ungodly amounts of the stuff...which, you know, I *have* to do, since it doesn't have quite as much caffiene as coffee. Heh. I will use any excuse to help justify a new addiction...

Strange and unusual occurance number two? Well really, it's not so strange and unusual, but it definately falls under the heading of 'weird shit'. Seems like a couple of players were outed recently, at SOI- and I say, hey, GOOD. There's nothing that I hate more than finding some vague post on the cork about someone who's done someone else (or lots of someone elses) wrong, including a laundry list of all their past misdeeds...and no name. That means the rest of us dolts that are in the dark know there's a player roaming around, someone who likes fucking with people's heads, but we don't know *who* to look for. Might seem trivial, but you know, when you're as paranoid as I am...(I tend to look at everyone I meet, as a potential mindfucker) this is Not Good.

People always shriek "who, who! tell me who it is so I know who to avoid in the future!" The person who posted the expose in the first place usually comes in, smiling blandly, saying that no, they will not expose this persons name, because they are Good, Kind, and Upstanding...and even though they're doing nothing but making people speculate and fuel their suspicions, they will not stoop so low as to name names.

That, to me, is bullshit.

If you want to help people...if you want to *warn* people...then post what you know (only the facts, ma'am), and *tell* their bloody name. Yes, you'll probably take a few hits from people who think you're violating some rule or another...(SOI rules state that no Real Time information is to be given out without the other person's consent. They say nothing about naming a handle, or a screen name)...but again, you're supposed to be HELPING, right?

It's bizarre. Making people paranoid and suspicious is NOT helping.

To make a very long story short, recently it was discovered that two "lesbians" at SOI, were actually not real, and played by a man. Now, I had seen one of the ladies in question around quite a few times, and her posting style always struck me as that of a male who was pretending. (can we say cyber junkie? I thought so) People were not too terribly suprised to find this out, and most everyone thought it was rather refreshing that someone was *named*, instead of making a post filled with wild speculation and vague accusations.

The man playing these two ladies stole pictures off of the internet to use as "himself"...with me so far? Here comes the strange and unusual. A few dolts actually thought the women in the pictures were in on the scam. I mean, forget the fact that there are two people out there who had their pictures stolen by some depraved freak...they MUST have been in on it, right?? Discussion went on and on about how one of the women looked like a man (??), so it all made sense that it was really a guy, all along. I felt like wading into the crap so I could knock a few people over the heads with a clue or two...but I was good, and stayed out of it. (for the record, the woman in question did NOT look like a man...she was rather pretty) It just ticks me off, and makes me realize that every idiot under the sun is *not* confined to AOL.

Weirdness.

Time for me to move back to Word, where a whole different world of Strange and Unusual is waiting for me.

January 13, 2004

It lives!

Listening to: Weak and Powerless (Tilling my Grave Mix)- A Perfect Circle
Mood: Strange

For once in my life, I'm not sitting here, talking about writing. About how much I miss it, or how my angsty muse seems to have flown the coop for good. Instead of whining and moaning about it, I'm actually *doing* it. So far, the word count is hovering around 10,830...and I think I've earned the right to brag about it, just a little bit.

*brag, brag, brag*

There, that wasn't so bad, was it?

In other news, there are many projects that need my attention: the dead but dreaming 'zine, another website or ten, and this whole quitting smoking thing that I keep putting off, because the stress levels have been running through the roof, thanks to some ever simmering drama on the home front. Never fear, I'll be devoting extra time to all of the above, now that I'm not flat on my back with the flu any more.

Lots of changes in the air. I'm dealing as best I can, and so far, writing has been a godsend towards helping me keep my sanity through all of this stress. Let's hope it holds out for a little while longer, because I think escaping into another world where I have at least the semblence of control is going to prove to be very important in the next few months.